Sometimes, you've just got to cut your losses...

When it comes to baking, that is.

I was so excited this week once I saw my MIL had emailed me the "Lofthouse Cookie" recipe. I went to the grocery on my lunch to grab all the necerssary ingredients, and this morning I set out to make them. The original recipe looks like this:

Lofthouse Cookies:
2 eggs
2 C. sugar
2 C. cream
2/3 tsp. Salt
2 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. baking powder
2 C. shortening (Lard)
Vanilla to taste
Enough flour to form a soft ball (She told me that the key to making soft, fluffy cookies is to add a lot of flour. But she didn't tell me how much. )

I assume that you just mix all of the ingredients together because there are no special directions listed. Bake at 350º (again no specified time) and the cookies need to stay white.

Icing:
1 pkg. powdered sugar
1 egg
1 can condensed milk (for spreading)
1 tsp shortening
1 tsp butter

Well, I already knew what the problems in the recipe were upon looking at it. First off, there's no flour amount listed, and secondly, there's no vanilla extract. And we can't have that. I don't understand the extract hate that abounds. WHY?! It's ridiculous. Anyway, I digress.

It started simple enough. Cream together the sugar and crisco. Next, add the eggs, cream...Oh crap. I got heavy whipping cream instead of half and half. Oops! Well, I added two cups of cream, and justforgottaboutit. I then added some vanilla extract. I even added a little EXTRA to combat the vanilla hate that perpetuates todays baking.

Then came the baking powder, baking soda, salt, and flour. Most of the people who had commented on this recipe from the forum my MIL had gotten it from had put in 3 cups of flour, with not much success.

And I could tell why.

3 cups? Are you KIDDING ME? Look how much liquid-soft-buttery goodness is going on there?

So, I started with 4 cups flour....

Added another...

Added another....

Added another.....

Added another.......

Yes, I added 8 CUPS of flour to this batter before it even resembled a "soft ball" stage. I took pity on my mixer and gave up.

Then I used my ice cream scooper to scoop the cookies onto a baking sheet...

and then patted them down with a knife.

And at that point I tried one.

Holy bisquick, batman. We have ourselves a problem.

Kid you not, these things tasted like bisquick.

But, somehow, some magical fairy came down into my oven and sprinkled magic fairy dust on them while they were baking, because they turned out to be really light, fluffy, and melt-in-your mouth good.

I was quite thrilled!

So, with my success with the cookies (Which DO taste like the Lofthouse brand) I decided to jump in all the way and make the frosting.

See? this is where I make mistakes in my life. I figure that since I can do half of it right, the whole thing will be a cinch.

Not so in the life of Megan.......not so.

And this is where it all starts going downhill. And to be honest, as soon as I started adding the condensed milk to the powdered sugar, my hopes of any pictures went out the window.

The condensed milk/powdered sugar mix turned into concrete glue.

IN MY MIXER BOWL.

I pulled it down, tried to scrape some loose to get it to mix up, and it wouldn't go back up.

AT ALL.

I'm teary eyed as I write this, as I was so scared I'd broken my mixer on the condensed milk/powdered sugar glue of death and doom.

But, then I remembered the butter. Yes, that must be the secret!

Nopers.

Hmm. The egg?

I added meringue powder and water. Still didn't help.

So, I gave up and added a bunch of half and half, and almond/butter/vanilla extract.

And it turned into a melted marshmallow gooey frosting experiment from h-e-double-hockeysticks.

The stuff will literally keep a roof on a house during a tornado, I kid you not. I bet you could re-attach artifical limbs with this.

So, all in all, the cookies rock, the frosting, taste-wise, is close, but texture-wise will hold your dentures in for a year, unstick your crowns, and glue your jaws together.

So, I'm giving them to every co-worker I have.

But it does taste good. And that's what matters. Especially when your jaws are glued shut for awhile.